Honour the Canon
by FanfictionWriter83729
Summary: A Sue parody. 07Movie, not 09 compliant. From ‘verse to ‘verse, Bots change, Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. And now she is in Movieverse.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **do not own Transformers.

**Summary: **A Sue parody. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.

**Rating: **T

**Author note: **This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. This fic was done for pure entertainment.

* * *

Honour the Canon

**Somewhere in G1verse…**

Optimus and a handful of other re-Canonized Autobots watched the Decepticons retreat. Then they turned to their companions, who saved them, and, unfortunately but inevitably, the Decepticons, from the brink of OOC destruction. Watching the re-Canonized Autobots carefully were the Dinobots, the Minibots, the Cassettes, as well as the humans.

Sparkplug stepped out of the cluster, looking at the Autobot leader sombrely. "Are you okay now, Optimus?"

"Yes, I am," Optimus said, subspacing his weapon. "I believe that I speak for all of us—" he continued, gesturing to himself and to the re-Canonized comrades, which included Jazz, Prowl, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, "—when I thank you for saving us from a great and terrible evil."

"That's disgusting!" Sunstreaker burst out suddenly, having just noticed the lipstick marks that marred his paintjob. "Did I really let an organic whelp do that to me?!"

"Yup," Spike said, who, despite everything, grinned broadly. "I have the pictures to prove it." Sunstreaker just glared at the human and gave a good punch to the arm to his snickering brother. Bumblebee put a hand on Spike's shoulder, giving a shaky grin. Bumblebee had been anxiously watching the elaborately set-up and painfully clichéd "hostage situation" play itself out, and snatched the human out of harm's way once everyone was back In Character.

"I'd hate to ask, but what _was _that thing?" Jazz asked, shaking his head to shake off lingering OOCness. He was pointing to the spot where the invader and harbinger of doom seemed to just have…imploded. There was a dent on the metal table, nothing more. "What kind of being can mess with Canon like that? I was wearing jeans! Not cool, man. Not cool."

"That was the Sue," Spike told them.

"Not human, just human-shaped," Bumblebee supplied.

"And she nearly destroyed our Canon."

"Do you think she's gone?" Prowl asked. All of them were looking at that spot.

"Well, she did say, 'Drat, guess it's off to the next 'verse,'" Sparkplug said, shaking his head. "I'm taking that as a no."

"Optimus!" Wheeljack said suddenly, looking up from his computations. "I found out where she went."

"Where?" everyone demanded in unison.

He looked at them, expression grim. "Movieverse."

**Somewhere in Movieverse…**

It was 11 o'clock on a Saturday morning. Sam went downstairs, two steps at a time, opened the refrigerator, and proceeded to guzzle milk straight from the carton. Mikaela, Bumblebee, and Sam were supposed to be going to the beach, and he was—

"Good morning!"

Sam spat out his milk, choking. He whirled around, and his eyes widened. An impossibly thin yet somehow amazingly buxom girl was seated at the table, looking at him with wide green-emerald-lettuce-grass-leaf-you-get-the-picture eyes. Her long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders, spilling over the table. She looked about eighteen to twenty-one years old.

"Uh," he said finally, wiping the rather unattractive milk dribble going down his chin. "Not that I mean to be rude or anything, but who are you, and what are you doing in my house?"

"Aw, Sammy, you silly-billy," she said, blinding him with her impossibly white smile. "I'm your older sister, Estellamaria. Remember? I came back from college just to take care of little ol' you, and I don't mean to be friends-yet-something-more with any of your eccentric companions at all."

Sam blinked. "I don't have a sister," he said slowly. He didn't, right? Well, not at this point, considering that there was only one Movie and a couple of Books and Graphic Novels to put into their 'verse. So, right now…No way. He'd remember if he had a sister.

She waved his concern away. "Of course not. Who said that I was your sister? Silly boy, I'm your mechanically inclined genius cousin, Trishabelle, who is here to help you." She looked at him with her blue-violet-indigo-deep sea-sky-you-get-the-picture eyes. Sam blinked again.

"Weren't your eyes green just a minute ago?"

"Sam!" his mother scolded, coming in from the house and taking off her gardening gloves. "Is that any way to talk to your baby sister? Why must you always be so mean to her?"

"Uh…"

"Mom! Sammy's being mean to me again!"

"Aw, he didn't mean to be so rude, Scarlettapooky," his mother crooned, stroking the girl's red-scarlet-orange-yellow-sunlight-fire-you-get-the-picture hair. "He's just jealous because you're our favourite."

"Okay," Sam said, drawing out the word and turning back to raid the fridge. "What the heck's going on?" he muttered.

"Sam, you're going to the beach today, right?" his mother said, her tone changing drastically as she snapped at him. Sam did a double-take. That definitely wasn't Canon. What had happened to his mother?

"Uh, yeah…"

"Don't take that tone with me, young man! Now you make yourself useful and take Laurenleana with you."

That snapped Sam out of his confusion-induced haze. "But, Mom!"

"Do as your mother says, Sam," his father said sternly. Sam did another double-take. A Plot-Hole? So early in the morning?

"Dad? Where did you come from? You kinda just popped outta nowhere…"

"Enough of your useless questions! Take your strangely young yet nevertheless beautiful aunt, Melamarguerita, to the beach already!"

Sam looked at his mother, then at his father, then at this…this _stranger _sitting primly between them, her purple-violet-lavendar-lilac-grape-you-get-the-picture orbs just radiating with goodness and lubby-dubby feelings.

Again, what the heck was going on?

He had to get her away from his parents.

"Uh, sure," he said, picking up a grinning whats-her-name and leading her to outside. Once on the pathway, he stopped and turned to her.

"Okay, who the hell are you, and what have you done to my parents?" he demanded.

The thing just smiled at him. "Aw, what are you worried about, little Sam?" she said, smiling sweetly. "I'm just here to help. And our parents—"

"My parents."

"_Our _parents, are exactly the way they should be."

Sam just looked at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Sam!" Bumblebee's voice rang out clearly, and Sam's attention snapped towards him, startled. Bumblebee _never _did that—not in that volume, at least. Not with so many people around.

But though there was a strange number of people walking their dogs and tending to their garden, no one seemed to have notice.

"Yeah, 'Bee?"

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Bumblebee demanded.

"But, 'Bee, you never—the whole "hiding in plain sight" thing? That ring a bell? You never introduce yourself!"

"Hi, I'm Yazymarina," she said, flicking her hair backwards and hitting Sam in the face. "Sorry about my partner. He's so rude sometimes."

"That's okay," Bumblebee said. "Come on in." He then popped open his driver's seat, and whats-her-name slid easily into it. Baffled, Sam sat in the passenger's seat.

"Aw, thanks, 'Bee. You're such a sweety," she crooned.

"Thanks," Bumblebee said.

"Bumblebee? Are you feeling okay?" Sam asked anxiously.

"I feel fine, random human boy," Bumblebee said dreamily. "Just fine."

"But—"

"Sam, Bumblebee said he's just fine," she said, giving him a pointed look. What he saw there chilled him more and made him more scared than when he was being chased around by Megatron during the Movie.

However, Sam wasn't about to leave Bumblebee to this girl, and besides, he had locked the doors.

Sam still didn't know what was going on—it seemed as though the whole of Movieverse was going loopy, and going fast—but he did know that 1) This girl had something to do with it but 2) Having an all-out yelling contest with this person would not help matters and 3) he needed backup.

"Okay," he said amiably, forcing down his panic and deciding to play along. "So let's go get Mikaela."

"Who?" both Bumblebee and whats-her-name asked.

"Mikaela? You know? Really good-looking, talented, funny? My girlfriend?"

"We don't need to get her, we can just go to the beach, all by ourselves," Bumblebee continued in that dreamy tone.

"That's right, Bumblebee," she said. "We don't need another Strong Female Character when we have me."

"But—but—" Okay, he needed a good reason here…Go on instinct. Got it. "But we have the Autobot, the hot girl, the dork, so we need the bitchy counterpart to make the hot girl look even more special."

"Okay, then!" she said, all perky again.

They made it to Mikaela's house in record time, even though Bumblebee had whined and grumbled the entire way.

"Uh, guys…?" Mikaela said, pulling open the passenger door and surprised to see Sam there. Then she saw who was in the driver's seat.

She stared.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, hi, Mikaela!" she said, blinding both Sam and Mikaela with her ridiculous smile. "Silly-billy, I'm your older sister, Marietreena!"

She stared, and Sam knew what she was going to say next.

"I don't have a sister," she said.

"Are we going to sit here chatting all day, or are we going to the beach?" Bumblebee whined.

Mikaela could only stare, and Sam gently tugged her inside.

"Something's wrong," he hissed.

"Well, duh," she said. "What the heck's up with that girl? And what happened to Bumblebee?"

"Let's find out. It's not like we can leave Bumblebee with her."

Bumblebee and the girl were oblivious to their whispering, because to Bumblebee, the only thing that existed was him and his _won twu lub_, and the girl was lapping up the attention.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **do not own Transformers.

**Summary: **A Sue parody. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.

**Rating: **T

**Author note: **This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. This fic was done for pure entertainment.

Also: To those who ship human!Elita1/Optimus (haven't seen it, but you never know) and Alexis/Movie!Starscream, I mean no offense to you, and I do not mark your story as a Sue story. I just found the characters' reactions funny.

* * *

Honour the Canon

Once they got to the beach, Bumblebee promptly ejected Sam and Mikaela, and then drove off some distance with whats-her-name. With horrified gazes, they watched as Bumblebee transformed to his bipedal form in broad daylight and scooped up whats-her-name in his hands. Faintly, they could hear sappy love songs coming from his radio as he serenaded her.

"That's just—that's just weird," Sam said, gesturing and spluttering. Mikaela, eyes wide, nodded.

"You want to know what's weirder?" another voice asked. "The fact that I have no idea how we got here." The two teenagers spun around. Lennox was there, behind them, with a baffled look on his face. Slightly to his left was Sarah, holding Annabelle. Both mother and daughter were looking at Bumblebee and whats-her-name with expressions on their faces suggesting that it was the cutest scene that they'd seen in a long while. And that was saying something, since Annabelle was a baby.

Slightly to his right was Ironhide, in bipedal form and with a strange look in his optics. As Sam spluttered and made half-questions and general sounds of horror and general what-the-fuckery concerning both Ironhide _and _Bumblebee in bipedal form _in broad daylight, _Mikaela managed to recover slightly.

"Will!" she greeted."Don't take this the wrong way, because we're glad to see and all, but...but what are you doing here?"

"I told you," Will said, looking around with a thoroughly confused expression on his face. "I have no idea. We were just driving along, coming home from Annabelle's play-date, and all of a sudden, here we are."

Sam pulled himself together. "So...so you had an encounter with a Plot-Hole too?"

"'Too?' What do you mean, 'Too'?"

"Well, this morning my dad kinda popped outta nowhere," Sam said, thinking back to that weird hitch in dialogue. "He was just _there._ No introduction, no mention, nothing."

"That's odd," Will conceded. "But, remember, we _are _a Transformers 'verse. We have our share of Plot Holes. Remember in the Movie, when, for some odd reason, we take the Cube to a densely populated area, with human-killing Decepticons hot on our heels? I mean, what's up with that?"

"Yeah, that's true...but so early? And, I mean—"

"Lennox!" Ironhide suddenly said. They looked up at him, startled. He had a far-away, dreamy look in his optics that sent shivers up their spines. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your sister?"

Lennox blinked. "I don't have a sister."

"Hi, Will!" a cheerful, bubbly voice said. The invader was talking, cuddling up to Bumblebee, to the scout's delight. "Remember me? I'm your long-lost sister, Staceybelle, who has just recently recovered from amnesia!"

"Wha…?"

"And I'm a decorated war veteran and weapons expert!"

"But—but you don't look old enough!" Will shouted back, incredulous.

"Honey!" Sarah snapped. She looked at Will sharply. "How dare you say that about my sister, Annasarania? She is a sweet girl, and you will treat her as such!"

Even Annabelle gave her father a disapproving look. Then they stalked off to coo over the strange girl.

Will ran a hand through his hair. "That's not Canon," he muttered.

"You're telling me," Sam said. "This morning, my mom scolded me for talking badly to her…and all I did was ask if her eyes were always that colour."

Will's expression, if possible, deepened in confusion. "As a side-topic, I need to ask, was her hair always that shade of black-midnight-ebony—"

"Yeah, yeah, we get the picture," Mikaela said hastily, cutting him off. "And no, no it wasn't. There's something strange about this girl."

"Okay, you have a point," Will said quietly to Sam as Sarah fussed over the strange girl. "There is something wrong here."

"Oh sweet love of my life! Oh beautiful Shriamiratrillia!" Ironhide suddenly bellowed. They could only look on in shock as Ironhide did a neat little twirl and _skipped _merrily towards Bumblebee and whats-her-name, giggling like a schoolgirl. The latter looked downright pleased, and the former was oblivious to the new addition. "How I love you and your beautiful crystal orbs!"

Lennox, Mikaela, and Sam were absolutely horror-struck.

"Oh no, Ironhide," Sam called after him, shaking his head and looking more horrified than he did during the Movie, when Bumblebee's legs were destroyed. "Your machoness…what happened to your machoness?! Ratchet!" he called out of reflex, and then recoiled when he turned around and saw Ratchet right behind him.

"Ratchet!" Mikaela said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"And you're fully transformed!" Lennox said.

Sam was too busy looking upon all this madness to say anything.

But, alas, he too had that dreamy, far-away look.

"My spark told me that I should be here," he said. "And look, there, in the distance!" Reluctantly, they looked to where he was pointing. Whats-her-name was now _singing _to both Bumblebee and Ironhide, who looked as though they were—

"Crying?!" Lennox asked, aghast. "But—but Autobots can't shed tears!"

"It is the beauty of her voice that moves me!" Ratchet said, crying too. "I'm coming, my sweet, sweet love!"

As Ratchet did exactly that, Lennox looked wildly at the two teenagers, who were becoming very panicked themselves.

"What's going on, Will?" Mikaela said, on the verge of hysterics.

"Calm down, calm down," Lennox said hastily. "I'm sure that there's a perfectly logical explanation as—"

"There she is!" They recoiled again as a fully transformed Jazz came bounding, ran right past them, and into the throng of whats-her-name, her quickly growing Autobot harem, and their admirers. "There's Angelinaballarina, who has brought me back from the dead! And now I shall repay her with my everlasting love!"

"No! Not Jazz too!" Mikaela groaned.

"Well," Sam said shakily. "Look at the bright side. At least things can't get any—"

"Oh, Elita-1! Is that you, reincarnated into a human form?" Optimus Prime asked, bounding in from the streets.

"Yes, yes it is!"

"Alexis! I, Starscream, have come for you! And though I detest humans, I love yoooouuuuu!" Starscream shouted, coming in from the sky.

"Starscream, my love! I knew that you were a good guy on the inside!"

"And I will repent and change my Decepticon ways for you, and together we will become all that is truth and justice in this cruel world!" Barricade said, sirens aglow and throwing himself in the throng.

"Yes, Barricade! We are proof that love conquers all, and that love can change even the most evil of hearts!"

"Oh, sweet human girl who has brought me back from the dead! Though I hate you now, I shall 'gradually' learn to love you and accept you as an equal, and then we will live happily ever after!" both Blackout and Bonecrusher chorused.

"The Decepticons have learned love! Earth is saved!" cried a dozen human extras who were conveniently there.

Lennox, Sam, and Mikaela…could only gape openly.

"This…this isn't right," Mikaela said quietly, numbed now. Sam opened and closed his mouth silently, a fish out of water dying slowly and painfully.

"No, no it isn't," Lennox agreed, strangely calm.

"You're telling us," two new voices said. Used to beings popping out of nowhere by now through the grace of Plot-Holes, our intrepid human friends turned to see Frenzy and Brawl, looking upon the scene in horror. Frenzy abruptly started banging his head against a conveniently placed light pole.

Devastator focused his attentions on our human friends. "Is this a trick, human?!" he bellowed, his voice barely carrying over the squeals of delight and the professions of love coming from the centre of the beach. "If so, then I must say that…that even Decepticons aren't capable of such cruel and unusual torture! You are a _sick race!_"

Sam, Mikaela, and Lennox looked curiously at that last narration.

"Aren't you…aren't you Brawl?" Mikaela said.

Brawl looked at the questionable narration as well. "No! I'm Devastator!...Or, am I Brawl?" The Decepticon looked around. "Who am I?"

"Do. Not. WANT!" Frenzy screeched, banging his head even harder.

"I don't know what's going on," Sam said. "But I do know that it all started when that girl showed up!"

Lennox, apparently lost in thought, turned his attention to him. "But no Character can mess with Canon like this," he said, his voice cracking towards the end, betraying his barely restrained hysteria.

"Look, you guys," Mikaela said, turning to them. "Whoever or whatever she is, she can't touch the Movie, right? There's a Movie tomorrow. That'll snap things back to Canon, right?"

"Yes, that's right! I totally AM the Allspark! Look at my ubersupercool powers that are totally unique to little old me."

"We love you!"

"We will protect you forever!"

All five survivors of whatever insanity was spreading turned in the direction of whats-her-name and her fan club.

"I don't think it'll be that easy," Sam said finally.

Turns out, it wasn't.

Sam woke up the next morning, fully knowing that he was in the Movie. Him being Aware in the Movie was like Spike being Aware in an Episode: it just wasn't a good sign. Nevertheless, Sam went to school, fully prepared to do his horrible presentation and weasel his way to an acceptable grade. So what if he was Aware? The show had to go on, didn't it?

It didn't happen.

The class and the teacher were too busy swooning over whats-her-name and her brilliant mind.

To make matters worse, his father went with whats-her-name to the car lot. When Sam _walked _there by himself, he was informed by Bobby Bolivia that he had given a new '09 yellow Camaro to a beautiful, lithe, shapely, you get the picture young woman for free.

Just because she was herself.

Then Sam found out that Lennox, Epps, and their crew were sent home, because their anticipated attack by Scorpinok was put on hold.

Scorpinok was _purring _as he was petted by whats-her-name.

Then they found out that Maggie and Glen were sent home too, because the creepy code was broken by whats-her-name, but they didn't need to worry about it, because she had miraculously made peace between the earth and the alien race.

Then they found out that she single-handedly dissolved Sector Seven.

The Cube was out of a job, it seemed. A Sector Seven agent, with a weird expression on his face, handed him the small Cube, saying that they no longer needed it as they had whats-her-name, who was a thousand times more powerful than the Cube.

The Cube had made hurt Cube sounds in Sam's hands.

"It's okay, Cube," Sam had said, consoling it to no avail. "We'll get you back being chased around by Autobots and Decepticons in no time."

But even to himself, the words sounded hollow.

Sam and all those who were so far unaffected severely by the insanity tried to pick up the pieces, to keep the Movie going…but nothing was working in their favour. It was like…it was like she was rewriting the Canon.

The night where Bumblebee was supposed to drive off and Sam was supposed to follow him, thus finding out that his car was a massive alien robot…Bumblebee and Barricade were outside his yard, serenading whats-her-name.

Sam lay down on his bed, questions and concerns plaguing him.

The Movie…the Movie wasn't acting right.

All the Characters weren't acting right either.

What the hell was happening to their Canon?

Why did that girl have so much power?

What was wrong with Movieverse?

And how…how were they going to fix this mess?!

Eventually, though he was plagued with questions and worries, Sam drifted off, the small television in his room murmuring with the sounds of a '80s cartoon marathon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **do not own Transformers.

**Summary: **A Sue parody. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.

**Rating: **T

**Author note: **This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. This fic was done for pure entertainment.

**Also: **if you're in the Hellboy fandom, I don't mean any disrespect to you and I do not point you out as a Sue author. I just found the G1Decepticons' reaction amusing.

* * *

Honour the Canon

"Psst! Sam! Wake up!"

Sam woke up with a start, disoriented at first, and then rushed towards his window. Yeah, that's right. In the Movie, Bumblebee woke him up with a ridiculously loud—

"Dammit, Bumblebee!" Sam hissed. Bumblebee, instead of tearing off into the darkened streets, was _still _serenading whats-her-name. And it looked as though he was occupied in a duet with Barricade.

Needless to say, even if Sam screamed, Bumblebee, Barricade, and whats-her-name wouldn't give a damn.

"Sam! Over here!" a voice said.

Sam turned around. There was no one in his room…save for the Cube, who was on his desk and making sleeping Cube sounds.

"Who's there?" he asked, voice shaking just a little bit.

"Squishy, your Movieverse counterpart is proving to be just as glitchy as you are," he heard another voice sneer.

That's when he saw it. In a darkened corner of his room, a tiny cartoon figure in his television screen, waving to him. Two groups of robots were clustered in the background, one group glaring and the other group looking anxious but determined. One adult, portly human cartoon character was near the latter group and looking at the other group suspiciously, and in the foreground—

"Spike!" Sam said, rushing to the small television. He all but pressed his face against the screen. "What are you doing? What am I doing? Why the hell are we both Aware, when I'm in a Movie and you're in an Episode? Is this because of that girl? It is, isn't it? Ah, man, she's already got—What the hell's going on?"

"First things first, Sam," he heard Spike's voice say. "Move away from the television screen. Even us two-dimensional 'verses like our space."

"Oh, sorry," Sam said quickly, complying.

"S'alright," G1Jazz said easily. However, he, like the rest of his companions, had a grim expression on his face.

"Sam, you're right," Spike said, deadpanning into the screen as Sam sat uneasily back on his bed. "I'm sure you've noticed that really weird things are going on in your 'verse—"

"Weird doesn't cover it," Sam said shortly. "Almost everyone's acting really kooky and Out Of Character, and it seems as though—"

"The 'verse is revolving around that girl?"

"Well, yeah. All the Autobots are throwing themselves at her feet, and so are most of the Decepticons. She's totally ruined a lot of the Movie storylines…"

"Okay Sam," Spike said. "This is going to get kind of difficult to explain, and we only have a few minutes 'till Commercial, and by then I have to be in Megatron's clutches or else we'd have messed up the Episode, so just bear with us, okay?"

"Fine," Sam said, throwing his hands up in resignation.

"Well, as for how it is that we're speaking to each other like this… you know how people from one 'verse can't go over to another 'verse? Well, we're in a specific kind of Nod. Nods come up randomly, but that's how characters from one 'verse can _talk_ to characters in another 'verse, even if we ourselves can't cross into that 'verse. Nods give _glimpses_ from one 'verse into another. The Nod didn't start until after you fell asleep, and we've been waiting for you to wake up."

"Okay."

"And…as for how we're both Aware, it's because of the Sue. She's messing with the Canon, and the Holes are showing. And, since Movieverse and G1verse are tightly linked together, the Awareness spreads."

"The Sue? Who the hell is she?"

"I say you don't tell him, squishy!" G1Starscream said, glaring at Spike. "If she's busy in their 'verse, she'll leave our 'verse alone."

"It ain't that simple, Star-twit," G1Jazz said coolly.

"Jazz is correct," G1Optimus said. "Righteousness aside, you must understand that it is not that big a leap from G1verse to Movieverse, and vice-versa. Even _you _have a counterpart there. If the Sue manages to take over Movieverse, she will surely come back for G1verse."

"And do you want to know what happens then?" Spike challenged. "Do you _want _me to show you what happened to the Hellboy fandom again?"

"You are a fool, Starscream," G1Megatron said, hitting his second-in-command. "And _you,_" he said, pointing to Spike, "are sick and demented. If you value your pathetic life, do _not _bring up the Hellboy fandom again!"

"Empty words, Mega-creep," another Autobot—Sam didn't know which one—said. "We're in an Episode. None of us have power here, unless you really want to piss off Canon?"

"One day, Autobot. One day…"

Spike shook his head. "Back to the point here!" he said, bringing the attention back to the matter at hand. "Look, Sam," he said, looking at his bemused Movieverse counterpart. "You know what Fanfiction is, yeah?"

Sam shrugged. "Yeah. Authors outside our 'verses write stories, and it filters in our 'verses as dreams."

"Exactly."

"It's why I dream about being an Autobot, or having the powers of the Allspark."

"Yep."

"And why Bumblebee dreams about being a baby 'bot."

"Yep."

"And why Barricade has recurring nightmares about formerly being, currently being, or somehow being related to an Autobot called Prowl."

"What?" G1Prowl said, looking at Sam.

"Nothing," Sam said quickly. Then a look of realization came upon him. "And Fanfiction is why Ironhide always has dreams about being a ballerina!"

A shocked silence greeted his words. "Yeah," Spike said, drawing out the word and looking around uncomfortably. "The Fanfiction…"

"But what does this have to do with the girl?"

"We're getting to that," Spike said. "Well, you see, good Fanfiction gives us dreams, Sam. Good Fanfiction 'plays' with us, I guess you can say, and then puts us back exactly as we are. Bad Fanfiction is slightly more scarring, but generally, even bad Fanfiction can't get to us…but..."

"But…?"

"There's a kind of Badfic…that uses a kind of Original Character…"

"But Original Characters can't enter our 'verses!"

Spike made a frustrated sound. "That's the thing! The Sue…she's an Original Character, sort of, but what she really is—she's a wish fulfillment. Sue authors create her and give her power. Sue authors write her as the perfect, peppy, completely loved idealization of themselves! But the Sue…the Sue is evil and powerful, and she can actually infiltrate our 'verses! Then she uses her 'powers' to make everyone love her, to make herself the centre of the 'verse. That's why Movieverse is going crazy, because of Sue authors and the Sue that they empower. The Sue is _poisonous. _She weakens Canon. She makes your 'verse just _lame, _and emphasizes the already existing weaknesses in your 'verse."

"So…so the reason why Bumblebee doesn't even recognize us, why Optimus is suddenly apathetic to everything but her, why Jazz is all of a sudden so corny, why Ratchet and Ironhide aren't their usual snarky, loveable selves, why we've suddenly realized that Devastator is also Brawl…is because of the Sue?"

"Yes."

"Damn you, Sue-authors!" Sam said suddenly, looking up and shaking his fist to the ceiling. "Damn you!"

"Sam, pay attention!"

"Sorry, I was just…just overcome."

"We understand, but you cannot let grief cloud your judgement," G1Optimus said gently. Sam's throat constricted painfully. How he missed In Character Movieverse Optimus…

"The Sue…she puts a spell over everyone," Spike continued. "Infects them, really. That's why all your people are acting Out Of Character."

"But I'm immune," Sam whispered desperately. "And so is Mikaela, Will Lennox, and Frenzy, and Brawl/Devastator, and—"

"No, you're not," Spike said grimly. "Even as we speak, you are being infected. Soon, you and the other Characters will exist only to praise and love her and her Autobot and Decepticon harem."

"Then…then why…?"

"We're in the _Transformers _fandom, Sam," Spike said, giving a shaky chuckle. "Even a lot of Goodfic writers don't like writing about us. For Sue authors, main human characters like you and me exist only so that they can make the Sue related to us somehow, so that the Sue can easily meet the Autobots and the Decepticons in a cheesy manner. After the meeting, it's like we're nonexistent. It's the Autobots and the Decepticons that the Sue wants, not us."

"Thank goodness! There's one advantage to being human in a Transformers 'verse. We never get paired with the Sue." A pause, and then Sam asked, "So…her poison is slow-acting on us because we're under her radar?"

"Partly. Also, as Canon main human characters, we have a lot of Canon backing, not like your parents or extras who only have one line or two in the Movie. Her Sue-ness gets us more slowly, despite what the Sue-authors want."

"But what about Frenzy and—"

"The Sue doesn't want them. They're under her radar, so they've escaped…for now."

"But not forever?"

"No."

"So how to we beat her?"

"You have to _force _the Characters to be Canon. You have to remember, as powerful as the Sue is, she isn't all-powerful. Underneath all of her bewitchments, your Characters are still there. If you put yourself in danger, it will force your Characters to act In Character. Remember, she can beat the crap out of Canon, she can weaken Canon, but she can never destroy Canon."

"But Spike," G1Bumblebee said. "But what about when you said, 'She nearly destroyed our Canon?'"

"I was panicking! But the thing is, you can't destroy Canon. You can weaken it—and the Sue does—but you can't destroy it."

"Okay, but…how? How did you do it?" Sam asked.

They all gave a groan at the memory of it. "It was painful," Spike muttered. "The Sue is basically a collection of a lot of clichés. So you have to out-cliché her."

"Oh no," Sam said, shaking his head. "You don't mean—"

"Yes," Spike said, nodding grimly, "you must become Canon Sues."

Sam gave a groan of frustration. "But how? We only have a handful of humans, a spastic little robot and a Decepticon with an identity crisis! Oh, and Reggie Simmons and Megatron," Sam added, thanking the Plot Hole that gave him that information.

"Don't worry. You can find a way. After all, at our worse, we only had a few humans, the Insecticons, and the Dinobots. Trust me, the hostage situation we had to set up was—" He shuddered at the memory. G1Bumblebee came to the foreground, patting his friend's shoulder.

"We're grateful that you guys did it," the yellow bug said.

"I know 'Bee," Spike said, his voice slightly choked. "But the cliché-ness! The horrible, horrible cliché-ness!"

"But why are Canon Sues better than the Sue?" Sam asked.

"Because you have Canon backing. The Sue—she defies Canon. Beats Canon to a pulp. Tries to rewrite it. Weakens it a lot. But Canon is _powerful, _Canon is _needed, _and when the Canon becomes weakened…well, let's just say that it's not good for your 'verse. That's why we're doing this marathon—to strengthen our Canon, and thus our universe. You must always, always honour the Canon."

"Okay, so we'll become Canon Sues…and then drive their attention away from her."

"Yes. As soon as you do that, the Sue will implode. She thrives on attention, and needs it constantly to survive."

"And once she's gone, Movieverse will be okay again…" Sam said, running a hand through his hair. "This sounds painful…"

"Trust me, it is going to be painful. You have to make it over-the-top, or else they'll never notice you."

"But we have to do it."

"Yes."

Sam gave another disgusted groan. "Bumblebee, you _so _owe me after this."

"That's not all, though," Spike said.

"Oh, what now?"

"The Sue…undying devotion is not all she wants. When she was here, in G1verse, she wanted to be changed into a femme. My bet is that she's going to try and pull the same stunt over in your 'verse. The thing is, no matter how cliché we got, no matter how much danger we put ourselves in, the Sue…she _saved _us in order to get more attention and affection from the Autobots and the Decepticons. It wasn't until she was strapped down to the mind-transfer machine and thus couldn't save us that we could pull off the ultimately clichéd hostage situation, getting them all back In Character one by one

"Okay, so we'll have to wait until the Sue is busy and then get their attention?"

"Pretty much. Or else she'll 'save' you, and then you're back to square one. Be careful though; we really cut it close. By the time we re-Canonized Wheeljack, the transformation was almost complete."

"But won't she catch on?"

"She's self-absorbed. She'll be too pleased from the attention she'll get from saving you—she won't realize a thing. See, we're talking right now, and what is she doing?"

"Being serenaded by Bumblebee and Barricade."

"Exactly."

"But why does she want to be a femme?"

"The power, I guess. Or maybe the angst factor. Do you know how much hurt/comfort can be derived from a human turning into a Transformer?"

"Oh."

"Actually, that's not all," Sparkplug said, coming into the foreground. "I know why she wanted to become a femme."

"Really, Dad?" Spike asked, surprised. "Why?"

"Sorry, son," Sparkplug said, and without further ado, clapped his hands over Spike's ears, to Spike's surprise and indignation. Then, looking straight at Sam, he told him, in no uncertain terms, _exactly _what the Sue was planning with the Autobots and the Decepticons once she turned into a femme.

There was a shocked silence.

"That's sick!"

"That—that ain't right!"

"_That's _what she wanted to do to us?!"

"That's an evil befitting of Unicron himself!"

Sparkplug looked mildly surprised over at the Autobots and the Decepticons, some of whom were retching. Even Optimus and Megatron looked sick.

"You mean you didn't know?" Sparkplug asked.

"No! No we didn't!"

Sam was spluttering, at a loss for words, until finally saying, "You're an 80's cartoon! An 80's cartoon meant for kids!"

"Yes," Sparkplug said easily. "And you're a teenager from 2007 Movieverse. You'll be fine."

"She is _sick!_" Sam said, clapping his hand over his mouth to keep from throwing up.

"But now, you know what is at stake," G1Optimus said, recovering slightly. "You know what you must do."

"Yeah," Sam said, straightening. "I must become…a Canon Sue!"

"Dad? What did you tell everyone?" Spike asked, looking around at the perturbed looking Transformers and an equally ill-looking Sam.

"I'd tell ya, son," Sparkplug said, "but we only have one minute to Commercial, and you still have to—"

"Darn! Right!" Spike said, and then ran back to the background. "Let's fast-forward, shall we?" he said, jumping into Megatron's hand. "Good luck, Sam!" he said.

"You can do it! Good luck!"

"Kill her!"

And with that, the G1 characters lost Awareness, and plunged back into their Episode. Sam turned off the television, pulled on a jacket, and went outside.

It was time to start their transformation…into Canon Sues.

* * *

**Author note: **Advice for clichéd situations that our intrepid heroes can get caught in? I've already covered hostage situation by the 'cons and amnesia, but any other suggestions? Thanks! Hope you liked!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **do not own Transformers.

**Summary: **A Sue parody, 07Movie. From 'verse to 'verse, 'Bots change, 'Cons change, humans change, but one great evil remains constant. Beware the Sue, remember the Character, protect the Movie, and above all…honour the Canon.

**Rating: **T

**Author note: **This is not an attack on any writer. There are some very well-done OC's out there. If your OC fits the description(s) or name(s) of the Sue, then it is purely coincidental. Also, if any of your fanfics incorporate the plots/backstories of our crazy Canon Sues, that is also coincidental, and is not meant as fanfic bashing. A lot of those plots can be (and have been) done well.

Whew. Finally! Last chapter (that didn't take so long…)! Thanks for all who read and for all the suggestions! Hopefully I got enough in!

* * *

Honour the Canon

"So that's what we have to do," Sam said to those gathered. The Decepticons looked scandalized, but the humans were giving thoughtful nods. Sam looked grimly around the room, and was taken aback when he saw some random drones hanging around in the background. "Um…Will?" he asked. "Who are they?"

"Remember the drones that the Allspark made during the Movie?" Will said. "That's them."

"They're Canon Fodder?"

"No—Canon Fodder are the random humans running around. These are UPTs."

"UPTs?"

"Unresolved Plot Twists."

"Huh. I wonder if we'll ever see them again?"

"I don't know. Technically, we're still in 2007 Movieverse, not ROTF."

"Right."

"It'll be better to do it as Post-07Movie," Simmons said suddenly, bringing the "plot" back on track and coming up with a good idea for once. "By then, you've had contact with the Cube thing. Just think of the possibilities!"

"He's right, Sam," Mikaela said. "You've had contact with the Cube when it was destroyed. You'll have to be our main Sue."

Sam gave a frustrated sigh. "Sorry, Cube," he apologized as the Cube pouted in Mikaela's arms.

There was a moment of quiet.

"Sam?" Mikaela asked quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah. I just have a feeling…that things are gonna get really painful."

"It will be painful, kid," Will said, standing up and looking at them all with a steely gaze. "We're going to have stinted dialogue, cheesy plot twists, purple prose, and stiff narration. Heck, it's already happening! But we have to remember who we're doing this for. We're _Canon Sues _now. We spork, or we spend forever in this Badfic made Canon."

They nodded determinedly, their expressions grim.

**X x X**

They were cutting it close. So very, very close. Mikaela, Maggie, Glen, Epps, and Lennox were to the side, pretending to rejoice but really being sick to their insides. Affected human Characters – Sam's parents, Sarah and Annabelle Lennox, and the like—were gathered around, ready to celebrate this evening of love and romance and dedication. Optimus had proposed to use the Allspark shard to make the Sue into an Autobot femme. Their 'situation' started when she was already strapped down, telling her would-be Cybertronian harem members that she was going to be alright, that they were going to be together forever.

And of course this was all happening at that romantic lake spot, like in the Movie. Because, of course, these kind of things have to be romantic.

They were all waiting with bated breath (yes, even the Autobots and the Decepticons), when…

"HELP!" Sam yelled, coming down the road. The Cybertronians ignored this yell, but the unaffected humans looked in the direction, looking shocked.

"Oh, someone help me!" Sam said loudly, still running. "For I am being followed by an **evil **organization!"

"Sam?" Bumblebee said with difficulty, his optics managing to tear away from the Sue for the briefest of moments. The Sue's spell was becoming strained.

Then Sam tripped. "Oh no," he said loudly. "I have fallen, and cannot get up."

Then, out of nowhere, a white van careened into the streets, stopping right before the fallen Sam. Simmons stepped out of the driver's seat, and roughly pulled Sam to his feet.

"Oh look!" he said to the Autobots and to the Decepticons, his voice also loud. "I have captured your precious human pet, and will now do experiments on him, for I am **evil.**"

"No!" Mikaela said, stepping forward. "You cannot take him, for he is the **Allspark**!"

"But I'm the Allspark!" the Sue said, pouting.

"Of course you are," Optimus assured her. Then, his voice snapping, he asked Mikaela, "Mikaela? What is the meaning of this? Our Allspark is right here!"

"But Optimus," Glen said, looking innocently up at the Autobot leader. "Sam was holding the Allspark when it exploded. Its power transferred to him. So…he's the new Allspark."

Optimus was about to retort…but then realized: Wait a second. That makes more sense than a random human popping up and claiming to be the Allspark.

Everyone affected by the Sue was thinking the exact same thing.

The Sue's spell wavered just a tad.

He shook his head. "We can figure out who is who in time. First, we must recover our human companion."

"You are too late, NBE-ABC!" Simmons yelled, enunciating every single word. "I will go and do **evil **experiments to him, for I am a vengeful human…who is **evil! **And, since he is both your friend and your precious Allspark, it will hurt all the more!" And then Simmons gave a very **evil **laugh, tossed Sam into the van, and then sped off.

"Sam!" Ron yelled.

"Ron, he just took our baby!" Judy said.

"We must follow them!" Optimus said immediately, real concern for Sam starting to rub off the Sue's spell.

"No one touches our Allspark!" Starscream said, real greed starting to do the same.

"But…but…" the Sue said, eyes watering.

Maggie scrambled over to avert a crisis. "But they'll recover the Allspark as a present for you when you awaken!"

"Of course we will!" the two Suefied Characters said.

"We don't do anything that doesn't revolve around our Snookypookie." All the still In Character Characters tried not to be sick as those words came from Starscream's vocal processor.

"Okay!" she said. "Let's get the random human who is less valuable than me!"

"No," Mikaela said quickly. "You stay here. After all, you must be changed for the sake of your many true loves."

"Oh yeah," the Sue said. "Okay."

"So…Starscream," Mikaela said, choosing the most infected Decepticon. "You stay here…and we'll get the Allspark."

Two things waged in our Suefied Starscream. He wouldn't get any of the credit for bringing a present to his _won twu love, _but he would get hours with her all to himself.

The second won out the first.

"You do that," Starscream said, already forgetting about them. The Sue, with the promises of presents and with the Seeker's undivided attention, did not ruin her moment of "happiness."

The rest all went to follow the white van…all except Lennox and Epps, who gave each other significant looks, and departed.

Not that anyone was paying attention.

By the time that they got to the facility where Simmons was holding Sam (how did they know? Plot Holes can work both ways, that's how!), it was already too late. It was empty, save for a small white card next to the devices of **evil. **

Mikaela picked up the small white invitation card.

"Oh no," Mikaela said, shaking her head in horror.

"What is it?" Bumblebee asked, starting to pull away from the Sue's spell.

"Sam's been kidnapped…"

"We know that."

"By Megatron!"

There was shocked silence.

"But…but how?" Jazz asked. "He's dead!"

"Well so are you!"

"Well, I had Sparklytangerinapoo to fix me," Jazz said proudly.

"No," Mikaela said slowly, as though speaking to a small child. "She didn't fix you. Ratchet did."

"I did?" Ratchet asked.

"Yeah. Just think about it. Sam is the Allspark, and he got taken, so there's no one else around to fix Jazz, and since you are a medic, you would have—"

"Fixed Jazz if it was possible," Ratchet said, realization coming over his features. Ratchet and Jazz looked at one another, and something almost Canon showed in their optics.

"Oh," Jazz said, looking at Ratchet. "Thanks, man."

"What does the card say?" Maggie said, getting things back on track.

Glen picked up the card, and he read: "You are cordially invited…"

**X x X**

By the time the ensemble reached the wedding, it was almost too late.

"If anyone should object to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

"I OBJECT!" screamed several voices, rushing into the chapel. There was a pause as the wedding-interrupting mechs took in the scenery.

And now, our intrepid narration is obligated to give an excruciatingly lengthy and painful description of what our heroes are wearing at this strangely human-styled wedding.

Feel free to skip. Go on, skip. Actual "story" resumes at the next page break.

Devastator was a groomsman. He was clothed in a very, very large tuxedo, a tuxedo of a size not found on Earth but logically wouldn't be found on Cybertron, but since he's already wearing clothing when he usually doesn't wear anything, since, you know, he was a ass-kicking giant alien robot and all, we might as well clothe him in a tuxedo. It was the kind of tuxedo that pinched in all the right places and gave you a peek at all the shineys, the kind of tuxedo that sent the message that he _might _be available but he'll get your number after the ceremony because right now he was here for his best buddy.

Lennox and Epps had betrayed humanity and the Autobots, but, most importantly, the Sue. On either side of him, his fellow groomsmen Lennox and Epps were clothed also in tuxes, all black and white and formal with expressions of happiness and joy and all that stuff on their faces. On the side of their shoulders they bore a Decepticon insignia, even though no brand on Earth made that insignia, even though, you know what with the Decepticons' popularity and Draco in Leather Pants nature and all, it was all a matter of time, so Lennox and Epps were only slightly ahead of the fashion trend. They had silver blasters at their belts like they were ready to do a shotgun wedding, but not that that was going to happen because everyone was all nice and pleasant and happy. They had little black bow ties around their necks, the centre of which also contained a cute little Decepticons insignia.

And playing the role of best man was none other than Megatron himself. He, too, was clothed in a Decepticon-styled tux, which was already fraying and tearing because he was just so damn pointy. It was really hard to find a tux that would fit the Decepticon leader, so they were happy with what they got and hoped that the stitches would hold to the end of the ceremony. His claws were perfectly pointy and manicured just like his pointy, silver head, and his red optics were polished so that you could see very clearly that they gleamed with love as he looked down at the little human an inch and a bit from his left foot.

Mikaela, beside the incoming rescue party had, for some odd reason and no one knew when she had done it because she had been with them the whole time, changed from her worn jeans and faded orange tank-top into a lovely, voluptuous, completely random black outfit, with tight leather pants and a leather jacket tossed over a low-cut black blouse of a gorgeous ebony colour, the colour of the night sky if there were no sun nor moon nor stars nor light pollution and if the clouds had been dipped in the deepest, darkest ink, just like the darkness of her heart as she gazed at the scene before her, feeling completely betrayed and so enraged that she could fall into darkness. A black leather whip was wrapped around her waist, and although it was random, was useless against the Decepticons, and no one really knew what she would do with it, it was cool and added that tiny bit of oomph to her outfit, and outfit that said that she'll give you cookies, but stick your hand in the cookie jar and she'll bite it off. A look that said that she was lovely and sexy and gorgeous but could be loving and faithful for the right one.

Glen and Maggie had also performed a costume change. Maggie was in nine-inch high heels and in a beautiful red dress which perfectly accentuated Mikaela's black outfit, and it must have been a form of irony as all the 'bad' guys were clothed in traditional wedding garb and all the rescuers (the human rescuers, at least) were clothed like they had stepped out of a club, or were going to get married at one of _those _places in Las Vegas, or something. Yes, the beautiful red dress completely complimented every curve in her body, was fiery red against her ice blue eyes, was complete awesome sauce. Glen was also in faded jeans, a black tee, and a black leather jacket, the kind of outfit that wasn't quite like Mikaela's but still gave a message, a message that said, "I'm cool, deal with it."

And joined together at the front of the altar were Sam and Frenzy.

And Frenzy was in a beautiful dress. Yes, a dress. A large, white, lovely dress with many frills. It had taken such a long time to find this particular dress, because he was just so scrawny and pointy. In fact, in their earlier dates, Sam had often joked that Frenzy ate like a bird and that a good breeze would tip him over, which only lead to Frenzy making a joke at his expense, and then they'd fight and make up and watch silly movies and then by the end of their date they didn't know what they had even argued about until the subject came up again, but they both knew that it was because Sam worried about him. It was a lovely white dress, because white is a good colour and completely goes against Mikaela's black outfit, which is important since Mikaela was playing the part of the Other Love Interest. It was hard to get Frenzy in a dress, but they needed him in a dress there were already too many tuxes in this 'wedding,' and that was important because they needed a good splash of white next to the tuxes and they needed attention focused on the dress and the dress' wearer. Frenzy didn't want to be the only one in a dress because then he'd feel left out. Glen had offered to come in a dress, too, but they couldn't find one for him, because dresses these days tended to come in size double zero and didn't take into account women and men with curves. Sam was also supposed to be in a dress, but Simmons had somehow lost it, and through a series of convoluted events it had become dirty, washed, sent to the wrong dryer and came out the size of a doll's dress.

So yes. No dress for Sam.

Maybe next time.

Hopefully next time.

Maybe it turned out better this way, though, because perhaps as a remnant of his "I'm-on-their-side"-ness, Sam was dressed more like Mikaela than like the Decepticons and Decepticon-humans that surrounded him. At his own wedding, he was wearing a black jean jacket thrown casually over a tight white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. He also had a black leather whip wrapped around his waist, and, like Mikaela's, it wasn't functional, but it looked cool, and that was what mattered. He was casually dressed. But they were just happy that he had made it to the wedding at all, what with being kidnapped by Simmons, becoming very ill because of the Allspark radiation, becoming the Allspark, getting kidnapped by Megatron, yadda, yadda, yadda. So yes, his clothes were insignificant compared to his presence.

Right.

Now, on with this mess…

**X x X**

Sam and Frenzy were joined at the altar. Epps and Lennox had betrayed them, and now were standing on either side of Devastator.

Simmons was nowhere to be seen. He and the Unresolved Plot Twists had gone back to spy on the Sue and to make sure that Starscream didn't get _too _controlled by her.

Not that anyone noticed.

"Sam?" Bumblebee asked, completely shocked. "What are you doing? What's going on?"

"What are you doing, Sam?" Ron demanded.

"Sam, get down from there," Judy scolded.

"Bumblebee, my esteemed parents," Sam said, his voice edged with anger. "As you can see, I am about to be joined to Frenzy, my beloved sparkmate, for I have joined the Decepticons of my own accord."

"What?!" all the infected Characters asked.

"But Sam," Bumblebee said, sounding completely heartbroken. "Why?"

"Because," Sam said, carefully enunciating every syllable. "When I became sick due to Allspark radiation, and when I was kidnapped by Simmons, and when the 'sickness' turned out to be mutating powers, you weren't there for me. The only one there for me was Megatron and the other Decepticons. But you? You abandoned me."

Bumblebee's optics shuttered. "But it's only been ten minutes."

Sam took a slow intake of breath, and then yelled, "That's a long time! And I haven't even started on my amnesia. I still haven't recovered."

"You have amnesia?"

"Yes," Megatron said, stepping forward. "Your little fleshling companion does. A mixture of amnesia and the Allspark radiation and the awesome powers (which, incidentally, will always be referred to but which you won't see) made him the perfect candidate, for you see, it is for those reasons that I have adopted him as my son."

"Your son?" Optimus asked, stepping forward. "How dare you lay such a claim?"

"And he's happy being this way," Megatron said. "If all goes well, he will never recover from his amnesia!"

"Lennox! Epps!" Maggie said sharply, turning the infected Characters' attention elsewhere before they started looking too deeply into Sam's subplot too soon. "What are you doing over on the Decepticons' side?"

"Well," Epps said, looking at them grimly. "Like Sam, I, too, have amnesia."

"Well, how convenient for you," Maggie said. "I suppose that you've forgotten about me, haven't you Epps? You've forgotten your beloved fiancée, who also has amnesia and who, just now, remembers who when you have forgotten her?"

"Maggie?" Jazz said, looking at her. "You have amnesia too?"

"Me too," Lennox said.

"And so do I," Glen said.

"Wait a sec," Jazz said, looking all around. "Is there anyone here who _doesn't _have amnesia?"

There was a pause.

"I don't know," Mikaela offered, her eyes wide and innocent. "I don't remember."

"But you're not evil, right?" Maggie asked in fake hopefulness.

"Yes, they are," Devastator said, stepping forward. "I found your companions lost, and alone, and unsure. Even though I should have stepped on them, I took pity on them and raised them as my own _for absolutely no good reason at all. _And now, look at them. They are in every way my equal. I have raised them well. I have made them attack defenceless civilian cities, I have made them spy on the Autobots that they once loved, and I have made them…kill kittens, and squish puppies!"

Lennox and Epps gave a little incredulous, sideways glance to Devastator, who responded with an annoyed shrug. Then Lennox coughed, recovering. "Yes," he declared.

Epps, also recovering, and for further **evil**, added, "And we enjoyed it."

There were horrified gasps from all around, exclamations of "No!" and "You truly are evil!"

"Will?" Sarah said, holding a crying Annabelle. She looked at him, completely shocked. "This isn't true, is it?"

Lennox's façade trembled, just slightly, but he gathered up his iron will, and, though it broke his heart to do this to Sarah and Annabelle, he smugly said, "Yes, it is. Deal with it."

"Good work," Brawl said, patting the humans affectionately.

"Sam," Mikaela said, bringing everyone's attention back to their most Sue-ish subplot. "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, Mikaela," Sam said, although his expression remained cold and remorseless. "I am the Allspark now. And with my great powers, I shall assist the Decepticons in their desire for conquest!"

"No, Sam!" Optimus said.

"And I will rename myself D'arkRavynHunterThing!"

"No!" Bumblebee said.

"For I am **Fallen!Dark!Evil!Sue**!"

"No!" they all yelled, Mikaela yelling louder than everyone else and falling to her knees.

"You lost, squishy," Frenzy said gleefully. "This human is mine."

Sam looked at his Former Love Interest. "Come on, Mikaela," he said, his tone changing to a gentle one. "Come to the dark side. We have cookies."

Mikaela looked up at him, her expression blank.

"Don't do it, Mikaela," Bumblebee said, straining against the Sue's spell as he saw his two dearest friends being taken away from him.

But they ignored him.

"Devastator!" Mikaela declared, rising once again to her feet. "I have decided, quite spontaneously, and by spontaneously, I mean slowly but surely, that I love you!"

"What?!" the infected Characters yelled.

"Where did _that _come from?" Jazz demanded.

"He was damaged one day," Mikaela said, looking back at them. "And, though it was against my better judgement and against my allegiance to the Autobots, I took pity on him and, fixed him. Over that course of time, I grew to love him. This is all due to my awesome fixit abilities, which, incidentally, do have Canon backing."

"And though I do not love her at all," Devastator put in. "I will slowly but surely fall in love with her, for she is awesomesauce."

"Thank-you snooky-wooky," Mikaela said through clenched teeth.

"I love you too, sweetums," Devastator said, his teeth all pointy and horrendous as he tried to imitate a smile.

"While we're all professing love, here," Maggie said, looking at the infected Characters. "I'm going to take this opportunity and say that I have gotten over Epps' betrayal, and I now have a new love. Megatron!" Maggie said, turning to the Decepticon. "Why did it take me so long to see you?"

"I don't know," Megatron said. "But I love you. Come here, so that we may live happily ever after."

The infected Characters looked at Maggie and at Megatron with something close to Canon horror in their optics.

Then their attention turned to Glen. "Glen?" Bumblebee said in a small voice, as though dreading the answer. "Do you love any Decepticon?"

"Nope," Glen answered. Bumblebee almost looked relieved, but then Glen said, "But I'm going over there for the cookies!"

"NOOOO!!!"

All the unaffected humans went over to the Decepticons' side, looking at the infected Characters expectedly. The infected Characters looked back at them, looking at each of them carefully, incredulous expressions on their faces.

"But why?" How? Optimus said, finally finding the words to express his incredulity.

"The Allspark," Sam answered.

"What?"

"It was all the Allspark."

"You mean…why you have powers and why Megatron adopted you because of those powers?"

"The Allspark," Sam said carelessly.

"And why Devastator has fallen head over heels over Mikaela?"

"The Allspark," Mikaela said.

"And why Maggie loves Megatron?"

"The Allspark," Maggie said.

"And why Lennox and Epps and Glen have fallen to the seduction of the dark side?"

"Also the Allspark," Lennox said.

"And cookies," Epps added. "You can't forget the cookies."

"And why Frenzy and Sam want to get married?"

"The Allspark," Frenzy said.

"But it's only been fifteen to twenty minutes!"

"Well, Bumblebee," Glen said patiently, as though explaining something simple to a very small child. "It's the _Allspark._"

You didn't need long, detailed explanations when you had _the Allspark. _And the Canon Characters had the Allspark. The Sue didn't.

They sent silent apologies to the Allspark that was, at this very moment, crying bitter Allspark tears because of all the things it was being accused of. Poor, ignored, forgotten Allspark.

Our Suefied Characters thought long and hard about this. The whole thing…was crack!Canon at its best.

They unaffected Characters could feel it. Faced with such crack, the infected Characters were becoming confused, concerned, and were getting out of the Sue's spell.

Suddenly, the door went flying open. The Sue breezed in, her eyes an icey-cold-angry-I'm-gonna-bitchslap-someone-you-get-the-picture blue, Starscream hot at her heels and professing love and affection and cuddles. Simmons and his band of Unresolved Plot Twists, looking the worse for wear, came in, hurried off to the side and rejoined the group of Canon Sues.

Frenzy looked at the intruders, clicking with irritation. "Doesn't anyone knock anymore?"

"She caught on," Simmons hissed to Lennox and Epps. "She was unstoppable." The Unresolved Plot Twists nodded.

The infected Characters' attention was torn between the Sue and our intrepid Canon Sues.

"Where did everyone go?" the Sue asked in faux-innocence. "I was waiting and oh-so-alone…"

Bumblebee struggled to form a coherent sentence. It was so hard, with so much Sue-age being thrown at him all at once. "We were trying to save Sam…dearest."

"Sam's made his choice, snooky-bee-bee," the Sue said, fixing our intrepid Canon Sues with an icey glare. "It's okay. Everyone, just come back to me…" As though in a trance, the affected Characters turned towards her.

"You see, Bumblebee," Sam shouted, desperately attempting to regain control of the situation. "This is why you lost me in the first place. You never try."

The affected Characters dragged their attention back to them—but they were still under the Sue's control.

"Come with us, Sammy," Judy said. "Come on. It's okay."

"We'll be okay, Sam," Ron said, trying to get his son back—unfortunately, it was Ron who was on the wrong side. "Estellamaria will take care of everything."

Our intrepid Canon Sues despaired. They were losing them.

"Enough!" Mikaela suddenly snapped, "I've changed my mind! I still love Sam, after all!"

"That's Characterization Whiplash," the Sue hissed. "You're not allowed to do that."

"Compared to all the crap you've done," Mikaela said coolly. "This is absolutely In-Character for me." With that, she turned towards Frenzy, and said, "This is for taking my beloved!"

Then she drew out a concealed weapon (and by concealed, I mean concealed until that moment when she chose to reveal said weapon) and pointed it at Frenzy.

Nothing came out. No bullet, no energy, nothing.

But with a loud cry of "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sam leaped, pushed Frenzy out of the way, and took the 'blast.'

Some screamed, some yelled, and some were in silent shock as Sam to the ground.

They quickly gathered around, while the Sue's angry red-firey-crimson-bloody-oh-freaking-hell-no-you-get-the-picture eyes widened as her many "true loves" turned their back to her.

Frenzy gave an anguished cry, and went down on his knees. "Sam! Sam! Speak to me!"

"Frenzy?" Sam said with difficulty, looking at his beloved with half-opened eyes. "Are you alright?"

"You sacrificed yourself for me."

"Anything for you, my love."

"Sam!" Mikaela said. "I'm sorry! I love you! I didn't mean it!"

Sam looked at her. "I know. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It wasn't your fault! I was in the wrong! How could I not see the specialness of your love?"

"Sam!" Frenzy said. "Don't go! Don't leave me! You have so much to live for!"

"Guys!" the Sue screeched. She attempted to step forward, to try and physically drag her victims back to loving her, but she was blocked, as though with an invisible shield. With her victims' attention rapidly slipping away from her, she was losing her powers.

The unaffected Characters ignored her, knowing that, though it was tempting to strike her now, the best way to attack her was to pretend that she didn't exist. The infected Characters looked down at our screaming Canon Sues, and they were quickly forgetting the thing which they had pledged their eternal _wuv. _

"You have so much to live for!" Frenzy continued. "Think of all the greatness that awaits you! Think of all the happiness you promised me! Think of a shiny new Australia that you and I will rule together! Think of…think of the children!"

"You see," Epps said, nudging Lennox. "That's totally asking for it, right there. It's like the guy in the action movie who says this is my last mission before I go home to my wife and kid and then gets shot."

"I think that's the point, Epps," Lennox said, making a mental note to _never _say the words 'last mission.'

"Frenzy," Sam said. "Come closer."

"Like this?"

"Closer."

"How about this?"

"Not that close."

"Oh." Frenzy said, adjusting himself accordingly. "What did you want to say to me?"

"Frenzy…I will always…love you…"

Then Sam closed his eyes, and went limp in Frenzy's arms.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Frenzy howled, burying his face in Sam's chest, but Sam was beyond knowing or caring. Around the doomed couple, Maggie and Glen stepped back, wiping the tears from their eyes while Lennox and Epps didn't even bother to hide that they were crying. Devastator and Megatron sobbed while the other Characters looked on, shocked into silent grief.

"Everyone!" the Sue said, frantic now. "Everyone, pay attention to me! Don't you see that I'm so special? Remember that you love me?"

"Mikaela did not kill Sam," Frenzy said quickly, averting everyone's attention back from the Sue. Choking back his tears (yes, tears, even though he was physically incapable of producing such a liquid), he rose to his feet. He looked at all the Characters, and especially the infected Characters, squarely in the eyes/optics/whatever you call them. "It was _hate!_ You hatred killed him!"

"Pay attention to me!" the Sue said, attempting in vain to reach her victims.

"Sam," Bumblebee said, looking down at his fallen friend. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. This is all my fault. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."

"You love me!"

"I have failed you, my friend," Optimus said, sinking to his knees and brushing the knuckle of his finger gently against the still form. "Forgive me."

"I'm special! I am, I am!"

"If only I'd been better," Ironhide said, while Jazz and Ratchet took turns sobbing into the weapon specialist's shoulder.

"Look at me!"

"I don't know why," Starscream said. "But I feel sorry for the squishy, too! Sam! Wherever you are, please, I beg you for forgiveness!"

"Love me, damnit!"

Barricade could only manage a weak, "I'm sorry," while Blackout howled in the background, down on his arms and knees and beating his fist against the ground."

"Pay attention to me!"

But no one was paying attention.

Then they all recoiled as there was a huge blast, and then a blinding flash of light.

When they all looked back to where the Sue had been standing before, there was nothing. Just a dent in the floor where she had stood.

One by one, the infected Characters blinked while our still In-Character heroes looked up at them expectantly.

"What happened?" Bumblebee managed, then his optics shuttered, and he looked down at Sam's lifeless form. Then, everything came rushing back to them. "No, Sam!"

"Forgive us," Optimus said faintly. "We were unable to stand against that creature. You have earned us our freedom…but the price was high."

"Guys?"

"I am sorry."

"Hey, guys?"

"There is no way we can be forgiven for our deeds."

"Guys?!"

All the Characters' eyes and optics widened as Sam, with some difficulty, got up. "I'm still here," he said.

"Sam!" they all yelled (yes, the Decepticons still had some remnants of the Sue-spell), and they rushed over to him, just hugging him.

"You were great, Sam!" Mikaela said, hugging him fiercely.

"That's my boy!" Ron said, clasping his shoulder.

"Sam, I'm so proud of you," Judy said.

Sam stayed there for awhile, in their embrace, while the Autobots looked on, love, relief, and thankfulness radiating in their sparks.

"You were very brave," Optimus said finally. "Thank-you, all of you."

Maggie, Glen, Mikaela…all the Characters who had withstood the lameness of being Canon Sues straightened. "Anything for our friends," Mikaela said.

Simmons rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's my cue to exit." He grabbed his colleagues, who were, like the Autobots, starting to recover, and exited. Like puppies, the Unresolved Plot Twists followed them.

"See you in the Movie, and in the Sequel, Simmons!" Sam said. "And thanks!"

"Sam," Bumblebee said, smiling joyfully and at a loss for words. "How? How did you defeat the Sue?"

"We were toe-to-toe against the Sue," Sam explained. "But when she came in…you had been under her spell to long. So Mikaela did what she had to do. And I did what I had to do. It's one of the most powerful Sue tendencies," Sam elaborated. "Dying in the arms of your significant others, having a speech done for you, everyone begging for your forgiveness, and coming back from the dead."

"Thank-you." Bumblebee said finally.

There was much thanks, and much love all around.

Even with the Decepticons.

"Oh, Frenzy!" Barricade said, getting over there and hugging his partner, who had already torn his dress to shreds. "I'm sorry you went through that! You were almost bonded to that squishy!"

"Let go of me, Barricade!" Frenzy said to his still-recovering partner, attempting in vain to squirm out of his grasp. "Get re-Canonized already!"

Our intrepid human and Autobot Characters left the Decepticons crying and hugging and cuddling each other, exiting quickly before they were re-Canonized, came back to their senses, and started destroying everything left, right and centre.

Then, they all went home.

**X x X**

It was early evening, and things were starting to get back to normal. The Canon Sues had frantically washed away the remaining Sue-ness, and had reclaimed their Character Flaws with relief. The infected Characters went through a Movie marathon, bringing structure back to their Characterization.

The damage the Sue had done still remained, but things were getting better.

They were on their favourite hill, overlooking their small town, content to just be with one another.

"Is she gone?" Sam asked finally as he and Mikaela perched carefully atop Bumblebee's hood.

"I think not, Sam," Optimus said gravely. "In the end, her (even by our standards) two-dimensional personality, is too chaotic to stand in our world for long. However, I have a feeling that…that as long as we exist, the Sue will exist. She will return, and we will be ready for her. As long as we stand with our friends, the Sue will never prevail."

"I think I can deal with that," Sam said. "As long as I have you guys." They all nodded in agreement. "You know," he continued, changing the subject to something lighter. "I wonder if someone will fanfic about this."

"About what?" Mikaela asked.

"About…you know…all this. All the things we went through, all because of the Sue."

"I hope not," Mikaela said promptly. "Just think how horrible reading that would feel."

"Yeah," Jazz put in. "You'd have the pity the audience. I bet that most of them would want to claw their eyes out. And hey, if you think that was bad, just think about the author who would have to _write _this. That'd be one glitching son of a—"

"Jazz!" Ratchet snapped. "Step away from the fourth wall, and hand over that hammer."

Jazz wibbled. "But I like this hammer." But with another stern glare from Ratchet, he relinquished it.

They all chuckled at that.

Tomorrow, the Sue would probably try and hit them again.

Tomorrow, they'd have to deal with all the things that ROTF would add to their 'verse.

Tomorrow, they'd have to restructure their Canon, and they'd have to deal with the changes.

But today, they were In-Character, they were happy, and, most importantly, they were with their friends, and that made everything alright, and made the future absolutely beautiful.

**The end…**

**Somewhere in TFAverse…**

It was a beautiful sunny day, and Sari was walking down the street. She wondered where Bumblebee was, because she had an amazing plan, and she—

"Hello, Sari!"

She turned around, startled. An impossibly thin yet somehow amazingly buxom girl was waving to her. She was dressed in a kimono and sporting a sword at her side.

"Umm…who are you?" she asked the strange girl.

"Aw, Sari, you silly-billy," the girl said, coming up to her. "I'm your older sister, Yukimistubishisushi, who has come home from studying the art of the samurai in Japan to help you. And I don't mean to accidentally meet your eccentric companions and slowly fall in love with them at all."

Sari just looked at the smiling girl, long and hard. She blinked, and said, "I don't have a sister."

…**? **


End file.
